Rose's Comet

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Out of my mind!!!!

I must be out of my mind. I'm 33 yrs old, married with two kids and a whole mess of bills to pay and I'm depressed that I am not pregnant. What the hell is wrong with me?!! Logically, I know that right now is not a good time to get pregnant. But something inside of me wants another. Maybe because I want to get closer to my goal in my life where I have the last one, close up shop and start saving for plastic surgery. I could start saving for the surgery once my hubby start working for the Board of Ed. I think it's also that I love the feeling of creating something out of love and having that little person learn everything that you know. Emma is the sweetest, evil little girl that is soo full of life and Haley is growing up to be a smart young lady. They didn't get like that out of nothing. Ben and I had something to do with it.
I have a niece that is the total opposite of Haley and her mom is bipolar. So my mom has custody of her and there isn't constancy for the child to learn anything. She's staying with us for a couple of weeks while my mother is in DR. There are times when I just want to shake the shit out of her so things inside in her head could get straighten out. She talks as if she's the grown-up and she always has to have the last word. My other sister would tell of the things that goes on in my mother's house and it didn't hit me until she was staying with us. What that girl need is a good pop? Not the abusive one. Just something for her to realize that she still has a lot to learn about respect.
Anyway, Ben also want another. We'll see what happens within the couple of months. And this time around, things will be different. No dramas from anyone cause they will get slapped the shit out them. With Emma, I had the only moments with people, at work and home.


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